This year has changed me.

My parents divorced. Even as an adult, that shakes something deep inside you. You don’t expect to feel it the way you do — but you do.

My father moved to another country. The relationship shifted. And in many ways, it feels like a loss. There’s grief there. Complicated grief. The kind that doesn’t come with a clear ending.

At the same time, I’ve been watching my son’s slow physical decline from Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy. DMD doesn’t rush. It progresses quietly. Gradually. And yet every small change feels loud.

There’s a particular weight that comes with loving someone you can’t protect from a diagnosis.

This year also marked the beginning of my own mental health journey. I started counselling. For a long time, I thought I just needed to “handle it.” Be strong. Keep going. But strength sometimes looks like asking for help.

And in the middle of all of this, there has been light.

My children continue to amaze me. Their resilience. Their humour. Their ability to find joy in small things. They ground me.

And my mom moved in with us. She has been a steady, quiet rock in a season that could have easily pulled me under. Her presence has reminded me what support really looks like.

2025 has been a year of grief and growth living side by side.

I am learning that both can exist together.

I am learning that I can feel heartbroken and hopeful at the same time.

And maybe that is what this season is about — not pretending everything is fine, but choosing to keep showing up anyway.

One day at a time.

‘Tis the Season …. oh boy only half way through the month and already it’s been a roller coaster of a ride so far! December is always a busy month, getting ready for the holidays, while still maintaining the day to day routines.

The kids excitement for Christmas is SO extremely contagious. My daughter has been on a decorating streak – not just at my house, but at Grandma’s as well! In year’s past, our Christmas tree was always decorated with kids crafts from previous year’s, and with current year additions. It was a bitter sweet moment when my girl said she didn’t want a tree with their art – just a “very pretty tree” – in light blue and silver. And that’s exactly what she did – and did a fantastic job putting it all together! I’m so proud of her!

At 7 years young – this beautiful lady knows what she wants and isn’t afraid to go after it. My pride comes from seeing her strength and maturity – and I can only hope that as she gets older, she’ll be just as strong and independent as she already is now.

The whirlwind came through as we celebrated family birthdays and a change in family dynamics. Navigating new “family rules” and logistics – learning all this – while also maintaining the joy of the holidays is (insert my sarcasm) a joy and a half! But I know we’ll all get through this stronger than ever – together.

Oh …. and did I mention my water heater bottomed out? Literally – leaking from the bottom. Luckily – I’m filled with silver linings. Two in fact. I noticed the leak before it became a huge problem … ie. caught it in the leaky stage and not the flooding my basement stage! And – it’s still under warranty! This was the biggest surprise for me – as luck in the past has always been warranty’s lapsing just month before any equipment/appliance had issues. I’ll count these as my blessings! Can’t wait to have a hot shower again!!! Oh … and wash dishes haha (not the washing … just to have them clean again)

Wishing everyone a most blessed Christmas – filled with laughter, love and peace! Enjoy the holidays – stay warm and cozy and full of love always!

In a recent Duchenne support group, our fabulous leader asked us to write a letter to ourselves from Fear. Pretend Fear is a person – what would Fear say to you? Followed by a response. Here’s my letter:

Dear Alicja,

First of all, thank you for listening. I want you to know that I’m always here for you – in the good and the bad. I’m here for you as a signal to pay attention, I’m that little thought in the back of your head that makes you have a light bulb moment and watch your surroundings. I am fear … but you need not fear me. I like to bring awareness to you, especially in situations you are unfamiliar in or uncomfortable in. I’d like to think I give you a chance to think twice about reacting and help you choose a wiser path forward. The world may be a scary place, but it’s easier to decide on which fork in the road to choose when you are given a little bit more information – when you can feel the situation out a little more. Balance – balance between leading with the heart and focusing with the mind – feel fear but don’t be afraid.

Dear Fear,

I appreciate you. Thank you for showing me a different perspective. For allowing me to be flexible and for seeing more than one version of a situation. What others may see as hesitation, it is me listening to you and figuring out where that balance lies for me and what I am comfortable with. You also allow me to plan for the worst even while I hope for the best – which allows me to be better prepared for both the immediate challenges and those that may be years away. They say it takes a village … and between fear, love, joy, sadness and everything in between – you lead me to make the best choices for my and my dear ones.

I’m so glad that you found your way to us. Join me on this exciting new journey as we navigate life, Mom-hood, Duchenne, creating art, and anything else that life throws our way. I make a pretty good lemonade out of all these lemons life throws my way!

Bare with me as I sort through my thoughts, get them down on paper and transfer to virtual – and as I learn to share our stories with you!